Turn Back the Renal Clock: September Part Four

Sherri Shepherd of The View is the Dumbest Woman in America.  Worse than Miss Teen South Carolina.  Ninja Vicki confirms this.

Psycho Dave proves that burning down a PhotoMat makes more sense than beating up the father of a dead soldier.

The Screaming Head on the Radio will condescend to every ethic minority one restaurant at a time.

Avonia the Wiccan Pimp shows us the darker side of the Wiccan sabbat of Mabon, which involved her getting thrown through a table.  Avonia is hardcore.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock – September 2007 Part Three

Psycho Dave comes up with a novel idea to cure autism, novel in that it will never work.

Why are the New England Patriots watching tapes of American citizens going about their daily lives?  The answer may not surprise you.

Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat and Marlie discuss how they’ve managed to stay married for so long.  It does not involve a laser pointer.

If Madonna can go around calling herself the ambassador of Judaism, then we’re going to call ourselves the ambassadors of stuff too.

There are no holiday sales on Wiccan sabbats, and that’s what holding them back.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock – September 2007 Part Two

The US Military is like a chess set, a chess set that costs trillions of dollars.

Terrorists will attack you on days that are pleasing to the ear.

Tag Larkin is looking out for the kids.

I’m disappointed that I have not been blown up by terrorists.

The Lord has a strict non-interventionalist policy when it comes to award shows and sporting events.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock: September 2007 Part One

Our obligatory Labor Day post.

It is easier than you think to avoid soliciting gay sex in a men’s restroom.

We need an episode of Deadliest Warrior to determine if a ninja would beat a Shaolin monk.

Gov. Bill Richardson is a dumbass and God hates Nebraska.

Mikka swears off anime forever upon hearing news of a manga version of the Bible.  Anime Jesus forgives him.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock – August 2007 Part Three

Dennis Kucinich didn’t win the Democratic nomination for President for many reasons.  We explore one of them.

Miss California and her little “opposite marriage” thing hasn’t got shit on Miss Teen South Carolina.  And that’s why Miss Teen South Carolina got to be attorney general.

Turns out our waste water is 70 percent products from Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline.

Reading books takes away precious time you could be using to read Renal Failure.

Ninjas have an image to uphold, and will narc on amateur ninjas trying to horn in on their territory.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock – August 2007 Part Two

Quarterback Michael Vick is getting out of prison, but we remember what put him there in the first place and the part Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat played in it.

The ladies of Renal Failure discuss the pros and cons of having an underwire surgically implanted to their ribs.

I don’t like having amateurs violate my civil liberties.  Only professionals may listen to my phone calls.  

Soon there will be a Fantasy League for everything, and we’ll be able to say we were there before everyone else.

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Turn Back the Renal Clock – August 2007 Part One

We’re taking a little time off to recharge our creative batteries, and to make sure Michael Jackson doesn’t come back from the dead as a zombie like in that 80’s documentary “Thriller,” and maybe have sex in Argentina with some chick too.  In the meantime, get caught up on all the stuff you missed back when you weren’t cool enough to know this place existed.  Or if you were cool enough, remember why you were so cool.

Crimson Paraplegic tests her new catchphrase.

Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat’s wife wants a Delorean as a sign of her Irish heritage.

We chew the fat before the fat decides to chew us.

Hey, you can’t make a populace-uniting national tragedy without breaking some eggs, or killing a whole bunch of people.

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Precious Encouragements 06/28/09

“Life is like a B-movie. You don’t want to leave in the middle of it but you don’t want to see it again.” —Ted Turner

This has been your Precious Encouragement of the Week.   We’re the Grindhouse of weekly sentiments, but with a lot less explosions and tits.

Anonymous Doug’s Video Jukebox 06/27/09

I remember seeing these local commercials as a kid and thinking this guy was one of the smoothest motherfuckers ever.

I still hold that sentiment to this day.

Anonymous Doug suspects Ben Krass was his dad, due to their mutual love of Rubenesque women with big hair.  Unfortunately Krass died in 2004, so we’ll never know.  I doubt it, though, because no one who does commercials could carry the anonymous gene.

Today’s Ingredient… T-Shirt Friday!

Call me Chairman Kaga…

Fact: when Iron Chef aired on the Food Network, the music used was from the soundtrack to the movie Backdraft.

Fact: I own the soundtrack to Backdraft on CD, and I play the appropriate Iron Chef parts when I’m in the mood to feel epically awesome.

Is it ironic that I own this shirt but cannot cook?

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