Niche Market Porn

Todd Rigid down at the Adultatorium says they’ve got a new genre of porn coming in…fantasy porn. And by fantasy porn, he means elves and sorcery and paladins.

“Who is the target audience for this?” I ask. “Lonely souls who would wank off to Xena if only if were more hardcore?”

“That Lord of the Rings and Narnia shit has been huge, so the porn market is hitching a ride on that wave,” Todd Rigid says. “I hear tell that they’re gonna do a porno remake of ‘Legend.’ You know, that 80’s Tom Cruise movie with Tim Curry as a 10-foot devil.”

“Yeah, I love that movie,” I say. “But I don’t love it like that. At no point did I ever wonder what it would be like if Darkness banged that chick from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

“And at no point did anyone ever think of the girl from Labyrinth doing sex acts on a coffee table,” says Todd Rigid. “Yet there she was in ‘Requiem for a Dream’ doing ass-to-ass.”

“So it’s porn stars in chain mail with elf ears and hobbit feet having sex in various settings of Middle Earth?” I say.

“Pretty much,” says Todd Rigid. “And there’s magic and dragons and anal.”

“Oh hell…please tell me there’s no centaur sex,” I say.

“Well, we do serve the furry community,” Todd Rigid says. “But we have those fantasy porn films with centaur or were-beast sex clearly marked. Here at the Adultatorium, we believe that informed porno consumer is our best customer.”

“Is there any porn you won’t stock?” I ask.

“Cartoon porn,” says Todd Rigid. “That’s just wrong.”

It’s good to have standards.