When a shower takes 45 minutes

Mikka bought his friend Jussi a set of Shower Breasts for his birthday. They’re fake boobs that attach to your shower wall and dispense soap and shampoo out of the nipples.

One night at a party, Jussi got ripped on psychotrophic mushrooms, a tab or two of acid, and a couple pills of the erectile dysfunction drug known as Cialis that he thought was ectascy. and wandered out into the night. He wasn’t seen for two days. Mikka then went over to Jussi’s to lay claim to Jussi’s possessions, citing some sort of ancient viking law that we think Mikka just made up. Mikka went to the bathroom to seize Jussi’s extensive mouthwash cache, and there he found Jussi in the shower with his dick stuck in the bath faucet.

Apparently Jussi mistook his shower for a real woman, thanks to the acid and mushrooms. The overuse of Cialis caused what is known in the medical community as priapism, which kept the fleshy Mjolnir in his pants ready for battle and lodged in the faucet for over 48 hours. He didn’t scream for help because he was hoping to die before anyone found him in this awkward situation. It took the fire department three hours to carefully cut Jussi out of the faucet.

Jussi left town shortly after this incident. Some say he went to a faraway land where no one would ever know about him rogering his shower. Some say he grew a beard and became a plumber. And some say he married those shower boobs and attached them to a woman he made out of pipes.

The moral of the story: If you’re going to have boobs in a shower, make sure they’re connected to an actual woman.