Midterm Ruse: ContinuedAugust 15, 2006
Now I got Democratic candidate for Congress Matt Rotary-Phone in my living room.
“So why can’t we let Democrats, such as yourself, take control of the House or Senate?” I say.
“Because we don’t want to be in charge of anything,” says Matt Rotary-Phone. “Have you looked at America recently? We are a terminal case. Sure, maybe we can make a few things better for a little while, but overall we’re in a hole so deep not even Superman could fly out it. And we’re not about to take any of the blame for our slow decline into oblivion by having our party claim the House or the Senate or even the Presidency.”
“So why are you running for a position you don’t want?” I ask.
“Because we need to make it look like we’re trying,” says Matt Rotary-Phone. “Political campaigns employ a lot of people and pump a lot of money into local businesses like brochure printing and balloon-making. Plus it keeps people from knowing that we’re screwed as a country.”
“But you’ve just told me we’re screwed,” I say.
“I’ve been telling that to everyone but they don’t listen,” says Matt Rotary Phone. “They just stand at the door and nod, then I give them the brochure and I leave.”
“So the new Democratic strategy is to throw every election, like it was a fixed boxing match?” I ask.
“No, sometimes we actually do try to win some elections,” says Matt Rotary-Phone. “But only enough to keep the ruse going. And some of us need these jobs as elected officials. What else are they going to do? We’ve got enough lawyers and law professors as it is.”
“Well, it does explain the last couple of elections,” I say. “Move a few giant stuffed animals and no one suspects the carnival game is rigged.”
“Really only about 3/4th of the party are in on this,” says Matt Rotary-Phone. “We like to see some young Dems earnestly trying in vain to turn things around and then get crushed by the dying corrupt machine.”
“So what about the doomed of America?” I say. “What happens to the general voting public?”
“Eh, don’t feel too bad about them,” says Matt Rotary-Phone. “It’s mostly their fault we’re in this mess anyway. I mean, did these people really think that there would be no consequences for repeatedly electing unqualified and corrupt people to positions of power?”
Candidate Rotary-Phone has a point. He knows the weak spot of democracy. So right then and there I promise to vote against him. Multiple times if need be.