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You’re either with us…or you’re a kid toucher

September 20, 2006

Psycho Dave’s on the phone.

He’s just killed another guy on our town’s Megan’s Law list, and he needs me to bring my Ronco Body Juicer.

“Damn it, Psycho Dave!” I say. “You just can’t go around killing convicted sex offenders. This is the tenth one this year.”

“Look, you need to understand that the world is better off without Tim Seepage living at 511 Legend of Zelda Street,” says Psycho Dave. “And I’ll do it again to protect our block.”

“The rationalization that the world is better off without someone is no excuse for shooting them in the face six times,” I say. “Haven’t you ever heard of the process of law?”

“Whose side are you on?” asks Psycho Dave. “Mine, or the child molestor’s?”

“Why do I have to pick sides?” I say. “There are more than two choices in the world. Has it ever occured to you that you both may be assholes?”

“So you would rather have someone who has buggered children still living in on this street?” says Psycho Dave. “I’ve eliminated a potential threat to the neighborhood.”

“He was convicted of that fifteen years ago,” I say. “He spent thirteen years in prison for it. By that reasoning you should be allowed to kill any person who did any jailtime.”

“One enemy at a time,” says Psycho Dave. “The point is this town is safer, despite your efforts to aid the child predators.”

“No, the point is you’re living in a world of false dilemmas,” I say. “Just because I don’t want to go around killing people on the Megan’s Law list doesn’t mean that I want children to be sexually abused.”

“That’s the sort of moral relativism I’d expect out of a kiddie porn supporter like yourself,” says Psycho Dave.

“If you’re going to continue be a jackass and wallow in logical fallacies I’m taking my Ronco Body Juicer and going home,” I say. “Have fun disposing of the body.”

“Why do you need to coarsen our discourse like that?” says Psycho Dave. “Damn kid-fucker.”

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