Keep the diabetics away from the Christ!

Chocolate Jesus is in our town for Easter Weekend. So I phone up Black Jesus to see what he thinks of it.

“Finally, a Jesus that sort of has the right skin tone to it,” says Black Jesus. Apparently the chocolate part doesn’t bother him.

“What about the naked part?” I ask.

“What about it?” says Black Jesus. “I was naked on the cross. Them Roman sons of bitches crucified people to humiliate them, and that meant hanging your ass up butt-ass nekked for everyone to see as a message. And that message was ‘Look what we will do to your ass.’ All that shit you see about me with a loin cloth on the cross was just for the movies because seeing man junk on screen sends everyone into a tizsy in America. “

“Should there be other nude chocolate works of art of other holy figures?” I ask. “Nude Mohammed? Nude Thor?”

“I don’t think any of them got nude in any of their stories,” says Black Jesus. “Besides, Mohammed doesn’t stand out in whatever art he’s in. I could show you a painting of Mohammed and you wouldn’t know it was him unless I told you. He doesn’t have a signature pose like I do, which unfortunately is me nailed to a friggin’ cross.”

“So what manner of art do you object being depicted in?” I ask.

“Off the top of my head, those stupid Inspirational Sports Statues,” says Black Jesus. “For the love of me, there’s nothing more demeaning than being reduced to a god damn Hummel figurine. I look absolutely ridiculous in these things. “

When Black Jesus is right, Black Jesus is right. He does look ridiculous in those things.