They won’t have a telethon for me
April 10, 2007“I can’t come to work today,” I say into the phone. “I have multiple sclerosis.”
“You don’t have a job,” says Bernie the half-cyborg cat on the other end of the call. “And you do not have MS.”
“Yes I do,” I say. “I have all the symptoms. Dizziness. Fatigue. Difficulty Walking. Vision Problems. Problems with my cognitive functions. Depression.”
“You don’t have MS, you’re just drunk,” says Bernie. “And a sad drunk at that.”
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I could drink vodka for nine straight hours while crying and still have multiple sclerosis?” I say.
“You don’t have multiple sclerosis,” Bernie repeats. “You just don’t feel like getting out of bed and you’re looking for a better excuse than just being drunk.”
“Okay, maybe I just have the one sclerosis,” I say. “But it’s like a really big one.”
Bernie hangs up on me. I should have told him I had lupus.
No, stick with the monosclerosis. Nobody knows what it is but it sounds really serious. Tell him Oprah is doing a telethon to raise awareness, because there’s hardly ANY information out there, and people make the most ingracious assumptions.
Monosclerotics unite!
sounds to me like you’ve got a bad case of temulency