It’s like praying to Dick Clark’s TV Bloopers and Practical Jokes

The other day I read about how a Cardinal doing mass in Chicago slipped on some spilt holy water and injured himself and had to go to the hospital.  Then I remembered a conversation I had with Black Jesus last year about how his dad just likes to fuck with people.

“Wow, Black Jesus,” I say to the Messiah.  “You weren’t kidding.  Having one of his Cardinals slip on his own holy water… man, that’s hardcore.”

“And my dad had given him polio as a child too,” says Black Jesus.  “In a way, He destined this guy to fall down for His omnipotent amusement.”

“But he’s also a Cardinal too,” I say.  “It’s like God said to him ‘I like how you pray to me and serve my cause, but I’m still going to fuck with you just the same.’”

“What are they going to do?  Quit?” laughs Black Jesus.  “Being a Cardinal has no transferable life-skills in the private sector.  So take that pratfall for the Lord and suck it up, padre.”

Christian God is like Biff Tanner from Back to the Future.  Allah doesn’t do this stuff, because He’s a humorless ass.  And I heard Ganesha only enjoys knock-knock jokes.  Man, I’m glad I’m an atheist, because gods can only prank the ones who believe in them.  Why?  Because it’s not funny to prank a non-believer.  They won’t get it.