We thought it was named after that actress on “Dallas”May 21, 2007
We’re celebrating Victoria Day here. We know it’s a Canadian holiday and we’re not based in Canada, but that didn’t stop us from doing it last year.
But this year we’re doing it bigger now that we have a devoted Canadian fanbase to insult. But instead of celebrating Victoria Day like Christmas, we’re celebrating it like St. Patrick’s Day. Except we’re celebrating the Canadians instead of the Irish.
“Drink to the queen, boys!” I yell as raise our glasses of… say, what the hell are we drinking?
“Yukon Jack!” answers Anonymous Doug. Tastes likes acid and madness. Apparently we’ve finished all the Molson in the bar. Well, the Bass-to-Bass didn’t have that much Molson to begin with, plus we’ve been drinking there since noon.
We’re also watching the Stanley Cup finals on TV at the bar too, and Mikka is wearing his Jari Kurri Edmonton Oilers jersey in support, even though Edmonton didn’t make the playoffs this year. But we are rooting for the Ottawa Senators because in their first season in the league they lost 70 games. That makes them “The People’s Champions.” And they’re the only Canada-based team left in the playoffs.
“I don’t think we’re being Canadian enough,” says Mikka. “I’m just not feeling it.”
“Let’s dump 10 bucks into the jukebox and just have it play Rush all night,” I say.
“Not Canadian enough,” says Anonymous Doug. “If we’re going to do this right, we have to go all the way.”
“You mean…?” says Mikka.
“Socialized medicine,” we all say at the same time.
This brings us to Doctor Fireman’s office at 11pm. He’s gone home for the day, so we let ourselves in through the window and raided his trial-size prescription medicine cabinet. We spent the rest night ripped off Cialis and Zyrtec, watching SCTV, and converting things to metric.
Next year for Victoria Day we’ll have to hit up a Tim Horton’s after a Crown Royal bender.