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If we drink a lot of cranberry juice we can trick the test

August 29, 2007

Our City Council heard about the scientists who gave ten cities in America a collective drug test using only a sample of their wastewater. So of course they wanted our town to get tested too.

It turns out our town is pregnant, and really likes crystal meth and opium. Now the opium we can blame on Chin-Finn Town, our Chinese/Finnish neighborhood, but we’re not sure who’s doing all this meth in town. Maybe it’s because we have a lot of Mary Kay people wandering the town and they sell a lot to the meth heads so they can hide their deteriorating facial complexions.

Bernie the half-cyborg cat says this is yet another reason why everyone should defecate in a litter box, so that the government doesn’t get a chance to analyze your droppings. I have my doubts about shitting in a box of fragrant gravel. They don’t make a formula of Tidy Cat strong enough to handle a night at Lucky Lakshmi’s Indian Buffet of Fire.

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One comment

  1. I mis-read that as letter box and was getting confused. I’m OK now though, thanks for asking



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