Monk vs. Ninja – or – David Carradine vs. Lee Van Cleef

“Did a ninja really go to a Shaolin temple and defeat all the monks there?” I ask aloud I sit in my living room reading the latest issue of Jersey Girl Quarterly.  Yeah, love those jean jackets…

“That’s not true actually,” says Ninja Vicki, jumping down from my ceiling where I figured she was hiding.

“Well someone on the internet said it and the monks are pissed about it,” I say.

“Why do Shaolin monks have internet access?” asks Ninja Vicki.

“Maybe it’s something new with their belief system,” I say.  “You know, like Zen and the Art of High Speed DSL.”

“First off, a ninja would never stroll into a temple and challenge everyone,” says Ninja Vicki.  “We’d just jump them at night and bury a shuriken in their backs, or jam a katana in their necks.”

“But could a ninja beat a Shaolin monk in a straight up fight?” I ask.

“I’d be a piss-poor ninja if I had to fight someone like that,” Ninja Vicki says.  “The point of being a ninja is that you’re not seen.  You’re silent, you’re deadly, you’re invisible like a ghost.  What you are not is some swaggering jackass going up to people and challenging them to fights.”

“So all those fighting games with ninjas are just lies?” I say.

“Fuck Mortal Kombat,” says Ninja Vicki.  “If Scorpion were a real ninja you wouldn’t even see him on the screen.  Your guy would just be standing there and all of a sudden BAM!  Your throat’s been slit and the game is over.”

“Well, Reptile did have an invisibility move so I guess he was trying to keep it real,” I say.  “How about all the stuff over at Real Ultimate Power?”

“Oh, that’s all pretty much true,” says Ninja Vicki.  “A ninja can kill an entire town if someone drops a spoon.”

Be careful what you read on the Internet.  Not because it may be false, but because it may just be true!