And then Jesus summoned a giant robot…

“I’m out,” says Mikka. “I’m out and I’m done.”

“With what?” I ask.

“Anime, manga, all of it,” says Mikka. “I’m out.”

“What was the tipping point?” I ask. “Is it that every woman is drawn to anatomically impossible proportions? Or that most of it is just unhealthy outlets for fantasies about incest, pedophilia, and non-consentual sexual dominance?”

“No, it’s the Manga Bible,” says Mikka. “It’s just… wrong.”

Apparently Japanese-style art has found a union with the Christian Bible. And the result has disturbed Mikka to the point of giving up on anime and manga.

“I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner,” I say. “I even heard it’s being applied to Shakespeare’s stuff.”

“I just wanted my religion and my manga separate,” says Mikka. “I don’t go to church to watch Full Metal Alchemist, and I don’t attend Otakon for my Jesus fix. Except for the symbolism like in Neon Genesis Evangelion. That can stay.”

“I wasn’t even aware you were a Christian,” I say. “Cathlolic? Anglican? Joe Piscopalian?”

“Universal Unitarian,” says Mikka. “I’m not sure what that entails, but it shouldn’t directly involve my manga and anime. I know what goes on in my manga and anime, and I’m not proud of much of it. And I’d really prefer it if it wasn’t applied to the Bible.”

“You don’t want Jesus to have spiky hair, turn Super-Saiyan, and get into a crazy karate fight with Pontius Pilate,” I say.

“And you know Pontius Pilate is going to be some sort of effeminate robot/dragon hybrid too,” says Mikka. “And Mary Magdalene will be drawn wearing an outfit so skimpy that people will wonder how her tits don’t fly out, and whether she has the smallest vagina ever. I don’t want to see that.”

“Do you think this will open to door to other religious texts getting illustrated and animated?” I ask. “Like can we expect Hanna-Barbera to do the Koran?”

“Ugh… god damn Hanna-Barbera,” Mikka said with a shiver. “I think that would be the only time I would ever support a suicide bombing. Let Disney handle the Koran. They did Aladdin.”

“And Warner Brothers can handle the Talmud,” I say. “And I mean classic Warner Brothers era stuff. Chuck Jones Looney Toons animation.”

“Does that mean the four Vedas of Hinduism get Pixar?” says Mikka. “Damn, they made out good in this.”

“Who gets the Book of Mormon?” I ask.

“Eh, let Don Bluth handle it,” says Mikka. “No one gives a rat’s ass about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints anyway. Frickin’ gold plates… yeah, you deserve to have your holy text animated by the ‘All Dogs Go to Heaven’ people for that.”

This is what’s good about being an atheist: you can’t animate or illustrate our lack of belief.