Someone send India some copies of Microsoft Flight Simulator

Psycho Dave brought to my attention a story from India about a guy takes people on a “flight to nowhere.”  People pay to sit in a plane that doesn’t fly and doesn’t go anywhere.  They just sit there, get flight attendants to wait on them, and listen to the fake pilot make announcements during their fake flight.  It’s all so people who would never get a chance to ever fly on a plane to experience what air travel is like.  Without the stomach-rocking turbulence, the awful delays, the lost luggage, and intrusive homeland security checks.

“So what does this tell you?” asks Psycho Dave.

“That the people of India have too much time on their hands?” I say.

“Close,” says Psycho Dave.  “It means we could make a fortune selling mundane experiences to India.”

“Like what?” I ask.

Psycho Dave presents a portfolio.  “First, there’s Psycho Dave’s Prison Ride, which simulates spending time in prison.”

“So people would pay you money, just to sit in a prison cell?” I say.

“Yeah, for like a couple hours,” says Psycho Dave.  “Low overhead, real cheap to do, big profits.”

“What else do you have?” I say.

“Next we have Psycho Dave’s Wild Hospital Waiting Room,” says Psycho Dave.  “I can see large portions of India that don’t have hospitals, so this would be a new experience for these people.  They’d get the thrill of waiting for quality health care without actually having to be sick.  Or actually getting that healthcare.”

“They do have a low life expectancy compared to a lot of countries,” I say.  “And there is a billion people there.”

“And it’s hot there,” says Psycho Dave.  “And that leads into my other ride: Psycho Dave’s Winter Extravaganza.  If you live in Mumbai, it barely ever goes under 60 degrees in the winter months.  So I figure if we get a whole lot of walk-in freezers and we get people to pay us to stand in them so they experience what winter feels like.”

“Will Indians have time for such experiences?” I ask.  “They already spend days watching full cricket matches, and weddings in India take at least a week or two.  I think that’s why they do arranged marriages, just to make up for lost time.”

“If they can find time to sit in an airplane that doesn’t fly, they can find time to sit in one of my fake jails, or my fake hospital waiting rooms, or my real walk-in freezers,” says Psycho Dave.

I should be grateful Psycho Dave’s not advocating giving Indians the full prison experience.  That’s what HBO’s Oz is for.  Or maybe Psycho Dave needs to create a “Owning a DVD Player” ride.