Open up a can of Blazing SwordOctober 15, 2007
“So Molson is owned by Coors,” I say.
“Right, the company’s known as Molson Coors Brewing Company,” says Anonymous Doug.
“And now Molson Coors is going to buy Miller,” I say.
“Making them MillerCoors, right,” says Anonymous Doug. “They’re merging to fight Anheuser-Busch, who makes Budweiser.”
“So it’s Molson/Coors/Miller vs. Bud,” I say.
“Well Bud might buy InBev, which makes Stella Artois and Beck’s to pad themselves,” says Anonymous Doug.
“All these mergers… it’s like Voltron, except with breweries,” I say.
“And the sad thing is that even with their combined brewing powers, their beer will still suck,” says Anonymous Doug.
“Great… shitty Voltron,” I say. “But this new company will never be as cool as Diageo. They make Guinness, Harp, Red Stripe, and Smithwick’s.”
“And they put out Bailey’s Irish Creme, Captain Morgan Rum, Smirnoff Vodka, Tanqueray Gin, Johnny Walker whisky, and Cuervo Tequila,” says Anonymous Doug.
“That’s like the true Voltron of hard liquor right there,” I say.
And to properly toast to the Voltron of hard liquor, we asked Captain Pat to mix all those liquors in a giant bucket for us. First one to vomit has to pay for the bucket.
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