Mikka’s Date: The Aftermath

Author’s note: Yeah, we know you’ve been waiting on this… we just had to get our obligatory Christmas posts out of the way first…

“All right, Mikka, we want details,” I say.

We’re gathered at the Bass-to-Bass to hear all about Mikka’s date with Samurai Cathy. Well, all of us except Ninja Vicki who is still not happy that Mikka is dating her archenemy.

“Where to start… where to start…” Mikka says with an uncharacteristically wide grin. “Well, we stopped for some drinks at Teabaggers. I had a nice chai latte and she had some green tea.”

“Fuck your tea, how far did you get with her?” says Anonymous Doug. That earns him a backhanded slap to the arm from Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, which hurts because she’s got her rings on.

“Behave yourself,” says Avonia. “So, Mikka, what did you talk about with Samurai Cathy?”

“Well, I told her I liked swords and she told me that she enjoys making samurai swords in her spare time,” says Mikka, “And that is pretty impressive considering she lives in a studio apartment.”

“Yeah, I don’t know many landlords that will let you have a forge in your apartment,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“So maybe she’ll teach you how to actually use all those swords you bought instead of just having them decorate your walls,” I say.

“What else did you two do?” asks Avonia.

“Then we headed over for that kendo demonstration,” Mikka says. “Real interesting stuff, especially when you have someone who knows all about Japanese fencing sitting next to you.”

“Okay, so you obviously didn’t make your move there,” says Anonymous Doug. “Where’d you go next?”

“We took a walk through the park where they’ve got everything lit up with Christmas lights, looking all bright and pretty,” Mikka says. “And we held hands, but I had to hold her non-sword swinging hand, just in case Ninja Vicki showed up or something.”

“Oooh, you held hands, that’s adorable,” says Avonia.

“That so sweet,” coos Tina the Lesbian.

“That’s bullshit,” says Anonymous Doug. “Did you bang her?”

“Or at least get to second base?” Bernie the half-cyborg cat says. “Because I can see that robe lending itself to easy access to her funbags.”

“Funbags?” Avonia disapprovingly says.

“Hey, that’s what my wife calls them,” says Bernie. “Usually when I jump on her chest when she’s laying down on the couch, she yells ‘Hey you fuckin’ cunt cat, get off my fuckin’ funbags, cunt whore cunt.’ But it wakes her up and gets her to open a can of Friskies for me.”

That explanation seems to work for Avonia.

“Come on, Mikka, don’t tell us you struck out with her,” I say. “Give us something to feel good about here.”

“Well, I did give her a good-night kiss when I dropped her off at her apartment,” says Mikka.

And the entire Bass-to-Bass erupts in crazy cheers and high-fives like we just won the Super Bowl (or for our international readers, like someone actually scored a goal in football/soccer).

“And I’ve got a date lined up with her for tomorrow night too,” Mikka continues.

I have never seen everyone give someone a standing ovation in a bar before.

-rf

Last night I had the strangest dream… I sailed away to China… in a little rowboat to find ‘ya… and you said you had to get your humor-blogs.com clean… didn’t want no one to hold you… what does that mean?  And you said…