Naming babies that aren’t ours

Regular Renal Reader, Friend of the Failure, and Possible Kidney Donor Kate from Minnesota is due to have her baby in about a month, but she hasn’t quite decided on a name for it yet. Or perhaps she has, but we’re going to ignore that possibility for the purposes of this exercise.

So I went around to ask all the Renal Failure Players for ideas for names for Kate’s baby. I did have to point out a few facts about Kate first. She is Irish and her married last name begins with L (as does her husband’s first name, Lars) so no names that start with L and no names that are favorable to the British Crown.

“Mittens,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “Or Brave Panda. Works either way.”

“How ‘bat Teagan fer a gal and Padraig fer a boy,” says Bernie’s wife Marlie. “Ya know, fer ‘er Irish ‘eritage and shite. I’m sure th’ ‘usband won’t mind if ‘es not Irish.”

“I think Shinobi is a good name for either sex.” says Ninja Vicki. “This will also require the child to be trained as a ninja, but that’s doable.”

“Well, Lilith and Leviathan are out because of the last name,” laments Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, going through her pagan name directory. “How about Sprinx and Drake?”

“The boy’s first and middle name should be John Waters,” says Tina the Lesbian, citing her favorite director. “As for the girl, just go with Joan Jett. I guarantee if you choose either one, that kid will be the most popular kid at any school he or she goes.”

“I’ve always been partial to Hattori,” says Samurai Cathy. “If it’s a girl, I’d go with Beatrix.”

It should be noted that Samurai Cathy really likes the Kill Bill movies.

“To remind the child of their strong Finnish heritage, how about Tarja for a girl and Teemu for a boy,” says Mikka.

I then remind Mikka that Kate and her husband are not Finnish.

“Oh… then how about Sabin and Celes?” says Mikka. Obviously he’s been playing Final Fantasy VI again on his old Super Nintendo.

“You should see if you can get a corporation to pay you to name your child after them,” says Anonymous Doug. “Like Wachovia Bank or Starbucks or Mastercard. What do I care? It’s not my kid.”

“Tag Larkin,” says Tag Larkin.

“But what if it’s a girl?” I ask.

“Tag Larkin,” he repeats.

Okay…

I suggest Snake for a boy and Svetlana for a girl.

We’ve got a while before our friend over at Wicca201 has her baby…

Humor-blogs.com is keeping her baby… ooh, she’s gonna keep her baby…