Your tiger style is no match for my autograph collection

Mikka’s been thinking about taking up martial arts, seeing how he’s dating a samurai. So he’s been going around town, looking for something that grabs his interest.

“So what are you looking for?” I ask. “Tae Kwon do? Jujitsu? Aikido?”

“No, mainly I’m looking for a place that has a personally autographed picture of Chuck Norris on the wall,” says Mikka. “That’s like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Ass-Kicking.”

“I don’t know about that,” I say. “I mean, I have an autograph of Patrick Roy, but that doesn’t bestow upon me the goaltender powers to win four Stanley Cups and three Vezina trophies.”

“What if they have a lock of Chuck’s beard hair?” says Mikka.

“Okay, that’s different,” I say. “Because I would think he wouldn’t just give his beard hair to anyone. Plus maybe that’s like the final test if you train with Chuck Norris: snatching a tuft of his beard before he kicks you.”

“I would also accept a Bruce Lee autographed picture on the wall,” says Mikka. “He was the baddest man to ever walk the planet. And when the opportunity came for him to sign an autograph, he didn’t sign it. His name signed all by itself.”

I suggest krav maga to Mikka. It’s brutally effective and it’s the one martial art I can find that lets you keep your shoes on.

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