Equality through mediocritySeptember 24, 2008
So Tina the Lesbian was in the supermarket the other day, shopping for food like lesbians are wont to do, and she ran into someone she didn’t expect to see.
“Well, well, well,” says Lance Patriarchy, the human embodiment of male oppression. “So, I guess you’re a bit confused these days.”
“By what?” says Tina the Lesbian. “That pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream are two-for-seven bucks?”
“No, I’m talking about the John McCain/Sarah Palin ticket,” says Lance Patriarchy. “You’ve got quite the dilemma.”
“I told you already, we don’t want a woman in the White House just to have a woman in the White House,” says Tina the Lesbian. “We want a qualified woman in the White House who will advance the cause of equality for us.”
“And Sarah Palin does just that,” says Lance Patriarchy.
“No, she really doesn’t,” says Tina the Lesbian.
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong,” says Lance Patriarchy. “For you see, Sarah Palin opens the door for women of mediocre talent to be given jobs they’re obviously not qualified for.”
“I thought Condoleeza Rice already did that,” says Tina the Lesbian.
“No, she opened the door for women to fail upwards by being incompetent at their jobs, there’s a small difference” says Lance Patriarchy. “Sarah Palin is giving a whole new generation of women the opportunity to be like all those mediocre unqualified men who hold higher stations in life than they should. And she didn’t even have to marry into power to get this opportunity either. That’s progress.”
“She was the mayor of a town that made you pay for your own rape kit,” says Tina. “That’s not progress, that’s bullshit.”
“Did you think equality was all glorious accomplishments and admiring acceptance?” says Lance Patriarchy. “There’s a dark side that you don’t want to acknowledge. You want to show you’re just as good as a man, but that means you also have to show that you’re just as bad as a man too. It’s a package deal.”
“I think my gender will be more than willing to wait a bit longer to achieve professional mediocrity parity,” says Tina the Lesbian. “Especially when such mediocrity would endanger our reproductive rights.”
“Can’t make an equality omelet without losing your eggs,” says Lance Patriarchy. “Speaking of which…”
That’s when Lance Patriarchy reaches into Tina the Lesbian’s shopping cart and steals her carton of eggs, just to show her he’s still running the show.