Their Fourth of July is in JanuaryJanuary 26, 2012
So it’s Australia Day today. Yes, we celebrate Australia Day here at Renal Failure because our number one fan Nursemyra lives there, and that’s about all we know about Australia Day, or Australia. No, we know a few other things, like Kylie Minogue’s from Australia too.
Anyway, we’re going to celebrate the Nursemyra way, and that means getting our Renal Failure girls into corsets. This is easier said than done.
“I wear nothing tighter than the lycra shorts I wear when I do charity bike events,” says Tina the Lesbian. “Except for that one time I wore Spanx to the girls bar. Wasn’t proud of myself that night…”
“My wardrobe is centered around a simple principle: can I do a backflip in it?” says Ninja Vicki. “No one does backflips in corsets.”
“Victoria’s just bitter because she’s flat-chested,” says Samurai Cathy. “She looks the same in a tanktop as she would in a corset.”
“And Catherine’s not wearing a corset because she’s afraid she’ll muffin-top it,” says Ninja Vicki. “Ever wonder why you’ve never seen Cathy wearing jeans? Overhang.”
The only one who would wear a corset was Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, who has corsets in her regular rotation because it establishes her dominating presence in the pimp game.
“As the Renal Failure lady with the least amount of hangups and body issues, I believe I am the most qualified here to properly represent Australia Day,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp.
We asked Marlie to wear a corset, but she got too drunk and fell asleep with it on her head. And perhaps drinking to the point of blacking out is the second-best way to celebrate Australia Day.