Epilogue 2014 – Anonymous DougDecember 24, 2013
Every now and again I find this note tacked to my fridge that says “Anonymous Doug” And for a moment, I think “Who’s Anonymous Doug?” But just when I’m about to pull the note down I remember “Oh yeah! The guy you forget about when he leaves the room! Where has he been?”
Truthfully we don’t know where he went, but I do know he’s the one who left the note on the fridge. A small loophole in his Anonymous curse – personal items like handwritten notes and photos make you remember him. It explains why he never took pictures with the women he was dating or banging or date-banging. So whatever he had to disappear from, it wasn’t so urgent that he couldn’t take the time to leave us a note. But he didn’t tell us where he went or why he went or how he went so we’re assuming it was something more serious than the usual bullshit he gets himself into.
Tina the Lesbian had a note that had his address on it. It was his way of making sure that if he died in his apartment that someone would remember to come look for him. It was empty for six months. Cleared out. Only recently have new tenants moved in.
Tina likes to think he finally retired, that he moved down to Florida or Arizona, because who’s more anonymous than old people? No one pays attention to them. We never knew Doug’s true age, but he we know he was banging girls in the 70′s and 80′s so he’s got some mileage on his odometer. However old he is, it’s way older than he probably thought he’d get to, especially with all the shit he pulled in his life.
Or maybe he didn’t leave because of trouble. Maybe he just knew it was time to go. Fitting. Just as randomly as he entered our lives, thus did he leave. How else would an anonymous man make his exit?
He’ll still probably outlive us all.