The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for Renal Failure.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 19,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 7 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
Attention. Attention.
Today is Renal Failure 6th birthday, which is about four more birthdays than we ever thought this blog would have. Yeah, we don’t post as much as we used to, but it’s a different world out there than when we started in late 2005.
My goal before Renal Failure’s 7th birthday is to create a sketch show featuring the Renal Failure characters coming alive on stage. I want to do this for many reasons, one of which is so I can have a Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat puppet.
Here’s hoping Year Seven of Renal Failure goes much better than Year Six.
Avonia the Wiccan Pimp gets into an altercation over a gourd.
Lance Patriarchy explains to Tina the Lesbian why Sarah Palin being grossly unqualified to be Vice-President is actually an advancement for the equality movement.
This is why you’re voting for Tag Larkin.
Samurai Cathy meets Avonia the Wiccan Pimp for the first time.
Who should you invest your money in? Tag Larkin, that’s who.
More past lies…
Ninja Vicki misses being wooed by Tag Larkin.
Avonia the Wiccan Pimp wants the government to bail out the prostitution industry, whether it needs it or not. It makes a lot more sense than giving the banks all that money.
Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat wants to shoot wolves from a helicopter, just like Sarah Palin does.
Crimson Paraplegic’s search for an arch-nemesis leads her to Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.
Someone was trying to kill Lord Likely. The Renal Failure players offer their protection.
More from the past lies and fabrications…
Tag Larkin vs. Sarah Palin’s kids… guess who won that battle?
There’s a small distinction between being Lesbian Tina and Tina the Lesbian.
Abortion on demand is something very different that what Anonymous Doug believes it to be.
One time we completely forgot about 9/11.
While we wait for inspiration for more wild fabrications and outright lies, we’ll give you some of our older material that you may have missed the first time around…
It’s hard to write resumes for a ronin for hire.
Sarah Palin is announced as John McCain’s running mate for President. Immediately we deduce that a bear is a better candidate.
We need gay cards to send to our gay friends getting gay married.
If you say you’re funny and you’re not funny, I will be mad at you.
Renal Readers, whether you be newcomers to the Failure or seasoned veterans, welcome to Renal Failure’s 1,700th post. To celebrate, let’s bring up some favorite posts (listed in no particular order) of our first year of blogging that very few people saw because it wasn’t on WordPress yet, it was on my long-since deleted Myspace page as a writing experiment (Myspace… wow, shit was certainly different back in those days of yore…) . Also, these posts don’t get referenced much, if at all, in the later years either.
December 23, 2005: Our first real post, introducing both Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat and Anonymous Doug. And it explains how Doug’s anonymous powers work. Also his powers are demonstrated here as well.
June 14, 2006: One of Psycho Dave’s best ideas ever, and the explanation of his feud with Alex’s Lemonade Stand.
March 1, 2006: The shocking secret of Lent is revealed!
June 9, 2006: We do the hokey-pokey differently than other people.
May 23, 2006: This is why I don’t get invited to cocktail parties anymore.
December 31, 2005: Tag Larkin is introduced to the world, and the world is never the same.
December 4, 2006: Anonymous Doug figures out how to legally have sex with a 12-year old. And it doesn’t involve going to a Southeast Asian country either.
April 19, 2006: I have problems expressing love in healthy ways.
December 16, 2006: We debut our Bible-based superhero Eli Kodiak to the world. Pat Robertson’s Trinity Broadcasting Network has not optioned us for a series yet, but we think a man of God who can summon bears to eat people is much better than that Left Behind series, or whatever else Kirk Cameron’s pushing these days.
April 9, 2006: Somehow I make inappropriate public nudity funny on a regular basis.
October 26, 2006: I only chose this because I like the phrase “Joe Piscopalians.”
July 22, 2006: This is a joke that’s sending me straight to Hell.
August 31, 2006: The Safety Dance goes horribly wrong.
Leave a comment about your favorite all-time Renal Failure post. Relive the fond memories of the 1,700 post juggernaut that is the blog of wild fabrications and outright lies!
Joss Whedon is Christianity’s Greatest Monster, and probably the greatest monster of a few other things too.
Anonymous Doug was a squatter in one of the seven houses that John McCain wasn’t aware he owned.
Ninjas do not leave warning letters.
More from the summer of 2008…
Samurai Cathy and Mikka can’t get married until Mikka learns how to properly avenge Samurai Cathy’s death.
When you have a dream about one of your parents being a winged centaur creature, please don’t write about it in an opinion column for the Washington Post. It makes you look batshit crazy.
Trent Lott explains that vice-presidents are chosen for their smack-talking abilities.
More from August of ’08…
Samurai Cathy meets Tina the Lesbian. It’s not as sexy as it sounds.
To lower the rising cost of gas, Psycho Dave wants to drill my mom for oil.
I came up with some helpful tips to watching the Summer Olympics. They involve drinking to excess.
Tag Larkin is a particular man.
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