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Tag Larkin

December 31, 2005

Tag Larkin plays by his own rules.

When he plays Monopoly, if he lands on Boardwalk with a hotel on it and you own it he draws his gun and says “If you want my rent come and get it, punk.”

Tag Larkin plays by his own rules.

When he’s at work at Chickensian Dystopia (the chicken fast-food joint with a Charles Dickens motiff), sometimes if you order a 12-piece David Copperfield Chicken Nugget Meal, he’ll only give you six. And if you ask why all he’ll say is “What you ordered and what I give you are two different things, punk.” Then he takes out the Yellow Pages from behind the counter and says he’s going to let your face do the walking if you don’t go away.

Tag Larkin plays by his own rules.

When the cops pull Tag Larkin over for running a red light, he looks at the officer with steely eyes and says “Traffic lights are for weak sheep and the nancy-girls at city hall who need someone to hold their pathetic hands through the harsh wasteland we call life. No one tells Tag Larkin what to do, especially no automated beacon of timed alternating lights, punk.” Then the officer lets him go with a warning, just as long as Tag hands over the open can of HumpMeister beer in his cup holder.

Tag Larkin plays by his own rules…because Tag Larkin has a learning disorder.

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