No one talks about the good side of prostitution

February 25, 2006

“Do you deal with prostitution?” I say to local superhero Mercury Shadow as we break open yet another case of Buck Sulphur IPA on my roof.

“Not really,” says Mercury Shadow. “I deal with prostitutes, but I don’t bust them for it.”

“What do you mean ‘deal with prostitutes?'” I ask, handing the superhero an open bottle of beer.

“If I want to find out what the word on the street is, I ask a hooker,” Mercury Shadow says, taking a big swig of the hoppiest beer allowed by law. “Sort of like Huggie Bear from Starsky and Hutch.”

“So they do some of the down and dirty detective work someone in a black cape and mask can’t do,” I say.

“Exactly,” Mercury Shadow says. “Superheroes usually have some sort of street network to lean on for info. Mine just happens to be hookers. And as long as they just stick to prostitution and don’t like deal drugs or rob banks, I don’t bust them.”

“Your army of prostitutes help keep the crime rate down,” I say.

“And the best part is I get a discount,” Mercury Shadow says.

I almost snarf my beer. “What?”

“I get lonely,” Mercury Shadow says. “And they don’t mind having sex with a man in a mask and cape.”

Superheroes don’t have normal love lives like you and I have (well, maybe just you). Dating non-superheroes only endangers that person, should villains ever find out about them. Dating another superhero just complicates things, as it’s usually not a good idea to date people you work with. This is even more true in a work setting with coworkers who throw lightning, have laser eyes, and can cause psychic hallucinations.

And that’s why superheroes don’t fight against prostitution.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: