Illegal Alien Problem

April 2, 2006

Our town has an illegal immigration problem.

Fucking English.

We’re not sure where they sneak in from, but they’re here. With their polished British accents. Taking all our voice-over work jobs.


They’re a drag on society, what with their afternoon tea breaks. You don’t see us hard-working Americans stopping for a spot of Earl Grey. No, we’re doing shots of Wild Turkey and stealing office supplies when the boss isn’t looking, like all good Americans do.

And don’t get me started on how they’re driving down the wages of our theater community… flooding the Shakespearean market with cheap acting labor.

City Council has been silent on this issue, except for Suitcase of Scorpions (R) who suggests building a giant wall or a series concentration camps. But that’s his solution to a lot of problems in town, like traffic congestion or littering.

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