From the Office of Special Cat Plans

September 8, 2006

“We just put out our first cat-propaganda video on the Internet,” says Bernie the half-cyborg Cat. “We got a nice little song made called ‘When Cats Take Over the World.'”

“Sounds like it’s geared toward the Lilith Fair crowd,” I say.

“Yeah, they’re the intended audience,” says Bernie. “Get control of the breeders, and the males will fall into line. That’s how you take control.”

“Just don’t let your wife catch you referring to her gender as breeders,” I say. “Bitches don’t like terms that reduce them to mere baby factories.”

“Eh, you’re too uptight,” says Bernie. “I’ll hook you up with a kitten massage. Relax your ass right out.”

The way my neck and back hurts from my continuous hours of Internet use, I’d need a god damn tiger massage to get the kinks out.

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