Damn civilized society Part 2

September 19, 2006

So I see Mikka the next day at the coffee shop and he’s got a pen and paper in hand. Oh God, I think to myself, he’s trying to write something. I’d better get over there before he hurts himself.

“I’m writing a personal ad,” says Mikka. “I’m looking for one of them muay-thai kickboxer girls.”

“Why’s that?” I ask.

“Because of our conversation yesterday about how only women can punch other women in the face,” says Mikka. “So I’m going to get me a girlfriend to do that for me.”

“So you’re not content with just telling a woman that you hope she ends up in a ditch with her throat slit?” I say. “Or that she hopes she bleeds to death during the birth of her rape baby?”

“Insults only go so far,” says Mikka. “Sometimes a roundhouse kick to the head is the only solution to a problem.”

“I think that’s the theme to every Chuck Norris movie,” I say.

“The ones where he’s not using a machine gun in defense of America, yeah,” says Mikka. “In the case of The Delta Force, sometimes a rocket-launching motorcycle is the only solution.”

“You might be limiting yourself by asking for just a kickboxer,” I say. “Maybe you should be looking for a woman who’s willing to punch another woman square in the vagina.”

“No, a chick who can roundhouse kick someone in the head gets me hard,” says Mikka.

In all our years of friendship, that’s the least egregious thing I’ve heard from Mikka on the topic of things that get him hard.

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