The Big Chill

December 4, 2006

“So it’s against the law to have sex with a 12-year-old in this state, correct?” says Anonymous Doug.

“Correct,” I say.

“Okay, but what if a 12-year-old girl is cryogenically frozen, gets thawed out six years later looking the same as she did before, and I have sex with her?” says Anonymous Doug. “Is that underage sex?”

“She still has the body of a 12-year old,” I say.

“But she’s been alive for 18 years,” says Anonymous Doug.

“But she’s been an ice cube for the last six of those years,” I say. “Her body and mind ceased developing.”

“Same thing with a coma patient,” says Anonymous Doug.

“No, coma patients physically age,” I say.

“Look, if your age goes up when you’re in a coma it should go up when your cryogenically frozen, or put in time stasis, too,” says Anonymous Doug. “And that means if I get unfrozen 100 years from now, I should be able to get the senior discount when I take the bus.”

“Anonymous Doug, I think you may have just figured out a way to legally have sex with minors,” I say. “And take advantage of the charity of our public transportation system.”

“Whoo-hoo!” Anonymous Doug cheers.

“Wait a second,” I say. “Shit, you have a god damn cryo tube in your basement, don’t you.”

“Six more payments and I own that mother,” says Anonymous Doug.

One comment

  1. OMG! That Doug is one sick dude! He may be my favorite. LOL

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