Actually, Walt Disney might have had something to do with this

May 11, 2007

Mikka and I spent the afternoon playing Guess Orlando Bloom’s Emotion on the XBox (stoic determination? DING! Hooray!) and watching the Hamas Knock-off Mickey Mouse Club, where an imitation Mickey Mouse and his little co-host (we call her Cubby) rap to the Palestinian kids who actually have TV’s about wishing on a star for the destruction of the Jews and Israel and America and a lot of other people.

“Yeah, good luck with that world domination thing,” I dismissively say. “You need a massive industrial base and an ridiculously-sized standing army to invade and hold territory. You don’t even have shoes!”

“You need to be stronger than World War II Germany to try and conquer the world,” Mikka says. “And the entire Middle East isn’t even close. They’re not even Fascist Italy.”

“And I’m not sure Mickey Mouse works in this day and age as a vessel of indoctrination,” I say. “I mean, kids still go apeshit when they see Mickey Mouse, but not a damn one of them can recite a line from anything he’s done, other than that M.I.C… K.E.Y… song. How are you supposed to indoctrinate anyone if no one remembers anything you say.”

“They need something more hip for the new century,” says Mikka. “Something flashy.”

“You don’t mean…”

“Yes,” says Mikka. “Pokemon.”

“I always thought Hezbollah sounded like a Pokemon monster,” I say.

“Plus it’s better than Yu-Gi-Oh because the will of Allah is not determined by the drawing of cards,” says Mikka. “You train your Pokemon yourself.”

“Pikachu, use Most Glorious Martyr Explosion!” I say.

“And their rivals are Team Zionist Oppressor,” says Mikka. “Hebrewsaur, I choose you!”

“We must catch them all, so we can drive the infidels from our lands,” I say. “There is but one Pokemon Master, and Mohammed is his prophet.”

“I’m thinking this idea might have the opposite effect,” says Mikka. “Getting Palestinian kids hooked on Pokemon might make them less likely to join Hamas or Hezbollah or Al-Qaeda. Why blow yourself up when you’ve got Pokemon to hunt down?”

“It’s always people who have nothing to lose who go on suicide bombing runs or shooting sprees,” I say.

“You’re right,” says Mikka. “Sometimes I think that if I didn’t have a XBox, I’d be more likely to just lose it and shoot up everyone at the wonton soup factory.”

A couple days later we find out that they pulled the Hamas Mickey Mouse Club off the air. We’re not sure if they’re going to revamp the show and go to Pokemon, but we’re hoping they don’t come back with something like the Mighty Mohammad Jihad Rangers or Teenage Mutant Jihad Turtles. But we would watch Pinky and the Jew.

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