Make that a capital “G”

June 27, 2007

Bernie the half-cyborg cat showed me something in the local paper the other day.

G-Spot enlargement injections…” I say, reading the paper.

“I think Marlie would like this,” says Bernie.

“Do you remember the last time you brought up getting your wife something like this?” I ask. “You’re not staying here again when she kicks you out. You go call Mikka for a place to stay this time.”

“This is completely different than the hymenoplasty coupons,” says Bernie. “This directly affects her in a way that heightens her sexual pleasure. It makes the G-spot easier to hit.”

“Do you even know where the G-spot is?” I ask.

“All the way in the back and then curl slightly up,” says Bernie.

“Who told you that?” I ask.

“Tina the Lesbian,” says Bernie.

“Of course,” I say. “But won’t this shot take away some of the luster of the G-Spot? I mean, if you hit the G-spot on a girl, you’re the king of sex. But you make the G-spot bigger so everyone can hit it… look, everyone can’t be the king. Especially of sex.”

“There’s still the clitoris,” says Bernie. “You can still work that like a champ and still get a lot of praise and applause.”

“You may be right,” I say.

“And why do you care anyway?” says Bernie. “Women won’t let you near either of those parts.”

“I just haven’t met the right woman,” I say. “A woman who can appreciate me for me. A woman who isn’t freaked out that I talk to a cyborg cat about vaginal plastic surgery.”

“I think you’ll find Natalee Holloway before you find that mystery woman you’re talking about,” says Bernie.

“But when I do I won’t ask her to take a needle to the G-spot,” I say.

“Who? The mystery woman or Natalee Holloway?” asks Bernie. “Because if Holloway is dead like everyone says she is then that shot wouldn’t do her any good.”

“You are a sick little kitty, Bernie.”

One comment

  1. I like bernie

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