At least we know we can outrun it

August 3, 2007

I read the other day that one reason people may have negative feelings toward obese people is some sort of instinct equating fatness to disease and infections.

“I think that explains only a small portion of my discomfort around Fur Elise,” I say, referring to our local furry who also has a weight problem.

“That doesn’t sound right, fat equaling disease,” says Tina the Lesbian. “People who are sick or carrying a disease are usually really thin, not fat.”

“Yeah, no one on the AIDS Quilt died fat and pudgy,” says Anonymous Doug. “Fat people die of stuff like diabetes or heart explosions, and those things aren’t contagious.”

“Maybe it dovetails with that other study about having fat friends makes it more likely that you’ll be fat,” says Ninja Vicki. “Maybe you can catch The Fat.”

“I think it’s our image-obsessed culture that obesity is seen as unhealthy while no one blinks twice for people who are too skinny,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “They’re both unhealthy.”

“I think it’s a more primal fear,” says Bernie the half-cyborg cat. “I think if you see a very large person you unconsciously think that they are going to eat you. At least that’s how I operate.”

“That’s because you’re kitty-sized, not human-sized,” I say.

“Maybe we have an inner fear of being crushed,” says Mikka. “You see someone tipping the scales at 400 pounds wandering your way, your instincts start screaming ‘Crush alert! Crush alert!’ You don’t get that with a real skinny person. There is no physical danger to you when you’re around an anorexic. Well, with bulemics they might vomit on you, but they’re usually real secretive about that.”

“There’s always some sort of unease regarding things that are bigger than you,” I say. “I guess that sort of falls in the domain of the survival instinct.”

“People who are bigger than me don’t cause me any fear or doubt,” says Ninja Vicki. “But that’s because I know I can shatter their kneecap with one thrust kick.”

“If it’s instinctual than it must also be genetic,” says Anonymous Doug. “They found the gene that causes left-handedness. Maybe they can find the one that causes people to dislike fatties for whatever reason.”

“I don’t like any solution that requires manipulation of genetic code,” says Avonia.

“Avonia supports birth defects and giving kids cerebral palsy!” Bernie says.

“Shut up, you eugenics-loving Nazi,” says Avonia.

And thus began the first ever fight between a cyborg cat and a witch. The lasers and magic spells were flying all around the bar. Mikka got caught in the crossfire and was turned briefly into a Jack Russell terrier.


  1. shit! that could have been real unlucky for bernie

  2. “Maybe you can catch The Fat” …… to fucking funny!

  3. I think people equate fat with lazy

  4. A friend of mine caught the fat, and had to have his jaw wired open as a result.

  5. lord likely, your friends are as weird as you. when can I meet them?

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