She sure puts the ass in “ambassador”

September 20, 2007

Madonna recently named herself an “ambassador of Judaism.” Apparently anyone can do this since Judaism doesn’t have a hierarchy like Catholicism does. You try to call yourself an ambassador of Catholicism without the say-so of an archbishop or a cardinal or Pope Joey Ratz and there’s going to be some problems. Naturally there are Jews who are not taking this news very well.

So we get to thinking down at the bar… what can we get away with calling ourselves the ambassadors of?

I named myself the Ambassador of Bad Self-Esteem. I go around and make people feel bad about themselves. I do that anyway, but now I do it wearing a sash.

Bernie the half-cyborg cat named himself the Ambassador of Kitty Litter, telling people of the benefits of shitting in a box full of fragrant gravel. He also wears a little kitty sash and a top hat, sort of looking like a feline Lord Likely. But he does not wear a monocle, because only the mayor of the town gets to wear a monocle.

Mikka declared himself the Ambassador of Chin-Finn Town. No surprise there. But Mikka refused the sash and instead wanted a cape.

Ninja Vicki declared herself the Ambassador of Ass-Kicking, and no one argued with her on that point.

Tina the Lesbian declared herself the Ambassador of Box Wine. Very often her sapphic friends will call her from the liquor store to ask her advice on what box wine to purchase. Lesbians are big into box wine apparently.

Anonymous Doug declared himself Ambassador of Age of Consent Laws. He knows how old a girl needs to be before he seduces her with his anonymous charm. Hmm… apparently they raised the age of consent in Oklahoma from 12 to 16 since the last time I checked. Thanks Anonymous Doug.

Avonia the Wiccan Pimp declared herself Ambassador of Scented Candles. Her Wiccan store Wic-Mart stocks enough of them, she should know all about them.

Tag Larkin declared himself the Ambassador of Latvia, and no Baltic son of a bitch is going to tell him otherwise.

What are you the ambassador of?


  1. nursemyra is ambassador of the corset

  2. It is nice to see that I am still inexorably linked with pussies.

  3. I think Jennifer Lopez is Ambassador of Ass. I, of course, am Ambassador of Sass.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: