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If you play the song backwards, her daddy wins the election

October 24, 2007

To me, too much of popular hip-hop is the musical equivalent of giving yourself a concussion. But it sure as hell beats country music, which is the musical equivalent of huffing a trash bag full of paint and having lead-based paint chips for dinner.

So it didn’t surprise me that a country music singer wrote a song inspired by the youngest daughter of former US Senator Rick Santorum’s crying on stage (and national television) while her daddy gave his concession speech after getting housed in the 2006 mid-term election.  And I use the term “inspired” loosely, as most contemporary country is inspired by a fifth of bourbon and the constant inhalation of carbon monoxide fumes (this song is no different).

Since we got all our laughing-at-sad-children out of the way last year, we’re going to focus on something else. Why no songs about the other children of Rick Santorum?

Santorum family

Why isn’t Gretchen Wilson writing any songs about how depressed the eldest daughter in the back looks?  Daddy just lost his high-paying and influential job.  That’s going to put a crimp in her social life.  Come on Gretchen, throw her a bone.  Something like “I’m here for the party… oh wait, no I’m not because I have to get a job because Dad lost by almost 20 percentage points.”

And why isn’t Toby Keith writing anything about the thousand-mile stare in that young boy on the far right’s eyes?   What is the story behind that look of absolute terror?  Is it the fact that he might have to go to real school like everyone else instead of being homeschooled?  Cast down to learn with the masses, those filthy ugly masses that might not like his sheltered views of the world or his Harry Potter-like looks.  Those eyes are a warning: keep that kid away from the rifles. He looks ready to climb a clocktower and start picking people off.  There’s some “Shock n’ Y’all” for you, Toby.  Get in the studio.

And what about the other two Santorum sons who you can’t even see or make out clearly in this photo?  Rascal Flatts?  Keith Urban?  Come on, just because they don’t carry around dolls that are dressed exactly like they’re dressed, that doesn’t mean they’re unworthy of an awful and insipid country ballad.

This sort of dreck doesn’t happen with power metal.

I tell ya… life ain’t easy for a boy named Humor-blogs.com.

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2 comments

  1. fuck where do i listen to it


  2. #karen santorum should be forced fed birth control if they are toning to keep pumping out these trolls.



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