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Still the dumbest person in America

December 5, 2007

“You know, I’m not usually a cruel person,” says Black Jesus. “I’m a man of forgiveness. But you’re right. Sherri Shepherd on The View really is the dumbest person in America.”

These comments from Black Jesus come on the heels of watching Sherri’s latest headfirst plunge into the stupid wall where she stated on national television in a discussion about Before Common Era Greek philosopher Epicurus “I don’t think anything predated Christians.”

“Has this woman never heard of the Old Testament?” Black Jesus says, scratching his head. “Because I sure as fuck wasn’t there for all that. Ain’t no stories about Jesus sailing with Noah, or chilling with Moses, or smoking a blunt with King Solomon. ”

“Well, now we know she doesn’t know what B.C. stands for,” I say.

“For my fucking sake, my coming to the world was prophesied near the end of the Old Testament,” says Black Jesus.  “How can my arrival be prophesied if I was already there?  You can’t worship me and follow my precepts if I haven’t shown up to tell anyone what they are.  You can’t have Christians before Christ!”

“Can you revoke her Christian card?” I ask.  “Because she obviously doesn’t know shit about Jesus Christ.”

“No… we take everyone,” says Black Jesus.   “Even when they’re the dumbest person in America.”

“Christianity predates everything…” I say, shaking my head.  “That’s going to be a shock to the Jews.”

“I need to write this woman a letter and tell her to stop,” says Black Jesus.  “Stop talking.  Stop thinking.  Stop everything.  Because she’s not only embarrassing her religion, sex, race, and ethnicity, she’s embarrassing the living shit out of the entire human race.  If my Holy Father wanted to start the apocalypse because of his displeasure at humanity, this would be Exhibit A.”

“I would encourage your letter-writing, but I’m not sure she can read,” I say.

Black Jesus just throws his hands in the air and goes to the fridge for a fresh bottle of water to turn into malt liquor.  When you shake Black Jesus’ faith in humanity, you know you’ve really done something awful.

-rf

When I get that feeling… I need Humor-blogs.com healing…

4 comments

  1. They should re-name that show The Blinkers.


  2. This is a very interesting idea for a blog. I don’t think I’ve seen an absurdist blog of this sort before.

    Keep it up.


  3. The jews… I thought that was a joke Mel Brooks made up.


  4. I think ‘sexual healing’ scans better :-)



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