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A date out of spite is still a date: Part 4

December 20, 2007

We’re 45 minutes and three stiff drinks into Ninja Vicki’s Peter Cetera MopeFest. She still looks pissed off, but not as much as she did when Samurai Cathy first walked in and declared she was taking Mikka out on a date.

Now being without you… takes a lot of getting used to…” she softly sings along with the jukebox as she stares deeply into her cosmopolitan. “Should learn to live with it… but I don’t want to!”

“Vicki, would you stop and look what you’re doing?” I say. “You’re singing ‘Hard Habit to Break’ about Mikka.”

“I know…” Ninja Vicki sighs, lifting up her mask to sip her cosmo.

“You don’t even like Mikka,” I say.

“I know…” Ninja Vicki sighs again.

“You’ve been quite explicit in your dislike of Mikka,” I say.

“I know…”

“You’ve been known to kick him on occasion,” I say. “And not in a joking way either. I mean like really hard.”

“I know…”

“So why the hell are you pining for Mikka?”

Ninja Vick shakes her head. “It’s not that I’m pining for Mikka, it’s that I don’t want Mikka dating my blood enemy.”

“Well, you can’t do anything about that, now can you?” I say. “Aside from killing one of them. And if you kill Mikka, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

“I’ve been trying to kill Samurai Cathy for years…” Ninja Vicki growled. “Now how am I supposed to try and kill her when she’s dating one of my fri- I mean, someone in my circle?”

“Yes, I believe Mikka will be quite angry with you if you kill his girlfriend,” I say.

“Oh God… what if they get engaged?” Ninja Vicki says fearfully. “What if they get married? I’ll never get to kill her then.”

“Well, at least this works both ways,” I say. “She can’t kill you either because it’s rather bad form for a girlfriend to kill her boyfriend’s friends. No matter how good the sex is.”

“Not being able to kill me doesn’t bother her as much as not being able to kill her bothers me,” says Ninja Vicki, who takes a self-aware pause. “Did that make any sense?”

“Sort of, I’m not that buzzed yet,” I say.

“I hate her so much,” Ninja Vicki continues. “But Mikka looks so happy. I know he really hasn’t had a date since the last Presidential election… but god damn it I hate Cathy.”

“What you have to ask yourself is whether killing Samurai Cathy is worth having everyone hate you for ruining Mikka’s life,” I say. “Because I don’t think everyone else is going to like you very much for doing that to him.”

“I know…” Ninja Vicki sighs, looks back down at her drink, and hears another Peter Cetera song start on the jukebox.

Everybody needs a little time away…I heard her say,” she mournfully sings. “… from each other…”

I take out my cellphone to call in some backup. This needs to stop…

To be continued…

-rf

Pour some humor-blogs.com on me… in the name of love…

One comment

  1. * shudder*

    backup?

    uh oh….



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