Ninjas don’t care about your Second Amendment Rights.

February 11, 2008

There are two key anxieties gun enthusiasts have that fuels their arsenal build-ups. One of them is the government coming onto their property (G. Gordon Liddy says aim for the head, because government agents wear body armor). The other is home invasions. If one gun in the house makes them feel safe against a home intruder, then it stands to reason that ten guns would make them feel ten times as a safe. And the bigger the firearm the safer you are, or so that line of thinking goes.

But there is a serious flaw in that thinking. Ninjas.

New York has seen a rash of break-ins and robberies by a ninja. No, it’s not Ninja Vicki. She keeps her ninja-related activities local. And she prides herself on not being seen. And if someone did see her during one of her ninja raids, that person would not be alive to say they saw a ninja.

Anyway, these break-ins reminds us of the fact that guns are not very useful against ninjas during a home invasion because by the time you even figure out that a ninja is in your house you’re already dead. In fact, you could be killed without ever knowing a ninja was in your house. Either way, you won’t have time to get your gun, unless you’re carrying a loaded gun with you at all times in your own house. But even then you’ve only got a 20/80 chance of surviving.

So how do you keep ninjas from breaking into your house and killing you? One way is to become a ninja yourself. Then you will know all of their tactics and secrets. The other way is to hire a samurai. Samurai have the discipline and skill to ward off ninjas, and they are also more effective against zombie epidemics as well because swords never run out of ammo.

But as much as Samurai Cathy promotes these facts, no one will hire her to protect their homes. We think it’s because of all the NRA’s anti-samurai propaganda that they’ve put out over the years to protect the gun industry. How many people must die from katana and shuriken wounds before the gun-loving ninja-denialists wake up and see what their ignorance has wrought?

Pirates, on the other hand, are easy to shoot.


Humor-blogs.com shot a man in Reno just to watch him die…


  1. Pirates are hacks indeed, I tried them for home security once, all they did were sing see shantys and complain about having scurvy.

  2. I always take G Gordon Liddy’s advice. always.

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