My ribs are broken, but my cancer’s gone

February 12, 2008

Mikka does not have health insurance. He can’t afford it and the wonton soup factory doesn’t offer it to workers. But he’s unusually optimistic about his health these days because of his girlfriend Samurai Cathy, who also doesn’t have health insurance.

“She has a good knowledge of medicinal herbs,” says Mikka. “Plus she throws a good kick.”

“What does throwing a good kick have to do with being healthy?” I ask.

Mikka proceeds to tell me about a news story about a woman who was pregnant with twins and also had cervical cancer, and the twins kicked the tumor loose from her, thus saving her from the cancer.

“So you’re saying that if you get cancer, Samurai Cathy will kick the cancer out of you?” I say.

“If babies in the womb can kick out a tumor, why can’t a trained samurai?” says Mikka.

“Well, those babies did have an up close look at that cervical tumor, being all up in there already and everything,” I say.

“Cathy’s got some serious leg muscles though,” says Mikka. “I think she could do it.”

“What if Samurai Cathy gets cancer?” I ask. “Could you kick the cancer out of her?”

“Not with my skinny legs,” says Mikka. “She’d have to get Chuck Norris to kick her, but Chuck Norris doesn’t kick anyone unless they’re trying to take over America or Texas.”

“You wouldn’t have time to get Chuck Norris anyway,” I say. “Since neither of you have health insurance, you probably won’t discover the cancer until it’s in a later stage. By the time you get Chuck Norris on the phone, it could be terminal. You need someone local for your cancer kicking.”

“You think Ninja Vicki would do it?” Mikka asks.

“No way,” I say, but then hesitate. “Although, Ninja Vicki is all about killing Samurai Cathy. She might get upset that cancer might succeed where she has failed.”

“Or she could just kill Cathy in her weakened cancer-stricken state,” says Mikka. “Ninjas don’t care about honor, remember?”

“Right… right…” I say with a nod. “Maybe Cathy could trick Ninja Vicki into kicking her where her cancer is.”

“That could work,” says Mikka.

We resolved to keep this a secret from Tag Larkin. We don’t need him going around town and kicking the shit out of people and calling it cancer prevention.


Humor-blogs.com is serious as cancer when he says rhythm is a dancer…


  1. Again another reason for me to be a fan of Tag Larkin.

  2. shit! what an amazing story (and the one about the twins is good too :-)

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