Russell Stover doesn’t make swords

February 14, 2008

“So, what’cha get Samurai Cathy for Valentine’s Day?” I ask.

“Bamboo,” says Mikka.

“Is she a panda?” asks Anonymous Doug.

“No, she mentioned that she tests her new swords by seeing if they can slice through bamboo cleanly,” says Mikka.  “She says she heard on TV that cutting through bamboo is equivalent to cutting through two human bodies.  Without the satisfying blood spray, of course.

“Well, that’s a rather practical, gift Mikka,” I say.  “But I don’t see it as very romantic.”

“Well, we’ve only been dating for like a month and a half,” says Mikka.  “We’ve been dating long enough where I can’t just skip getting her a Valentine’s gift, but we haven’t been dating long enough for me to get her a big expensive gift.”

“Yeah, you don’t want your gift to be writing commitment checks your ass can’t cash,” says Anonymous Doug.

“So what are you getting the girl you’re banging?” Mikka asks Anonymous Doug.

“Nothing,” says Anonymous Doug.  “As long as she doesn’t see me today she won’t remember we’re dating, and thus will not expect a gift.”

“Sometimes I envy your Anonymous powers,” I say.

“What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?” Mikka asks me.

“I don’t know,” I say.  “Hang at the mall and give nasty glares at couples as they walk by?  Sit in the dark and wonder where things went so horribly wrong?  Maybe play ‘Drink What’s Under the Sink?’  See if a hockey game is on?”

“That’s better than how Ninja Vicki is spending Valentine’s Day,” says Mikka.

“And what’s she doing?” Anonymous Doug asks.

“Following me and Samurai Cathy all night,” says Mikka, looking up to the ceiling.  “Isn’t that right, Ninja Vicki?”

“Piss off,” Ninja Vicki yells from her hiding place in the ceiling.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t like this day.


Humor-blogs.com will keep us together…

One comment

  1. We dont get hockey so I guess I’m stuck with cricket. And drink whats under the sink!

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