Stop sodomizing our tectonic plates!

February 26, 2008

It had been a while since Tina the Lesbian had a run-in with the paranoid madness of her neighbors Sean and Lucia Wheatley. Five months of peace and quiet and not having to deal with the dumbest misconceptions known to man. But today, there they were ringing her doorbell.

“Okay, what has the gay community done this time to threaten your marriage?” Tina the Lesbian says as she opens the door.

“Nothing, we would just like to give you this batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies,” says Sean Wheatley.

“Lesbians like chocolate chip cookies, right?” says Lucia.

Tina the Lesbian cautiously accepts the tupperware container full of cookies. “Um… thanks.”

“Oh, it was no problem,” says Sean. “We hope you find this offering acceptable.”

“Please don’t destroy our house,” Lucia nervously blurts out.

And now this visit becomes clear to Tina. “All right, what the hell is this about? Why do you think I’m going to destroy your home?”

“We heard on the news that gays caused the recent earthquakes in Israel,” says Sean.

“So we’re making sure that you don’t use your gay seismic powers against us,” says Lucia.

“Gays do not cause earthquakes,” says Tina the Lesbian, rolling her eyes. “That was one idiot member of Israel’s parliament being fucking stupid.”

“Maybe he’s wrong, or maybe he’s right,” says Sean. “But we’re not taking any chances. So please find it in your homosexual heart to spare us from your gay wrath.”

“Our home isn’t insured against fag-quakes,” says Lucia.

Tina brains starts to hurt from dealing with such frightened stupidity, so Tina accepts the cookies and promises the Wheatleys that their house will not be touched by an earthquake. Later that night, Tina gets another visitor at her door.

“Hi, I’m Crimson Paraplegic,” says the superheroine with the non-functioning legs floating at her door. “I’m following up on an anonymous tip that you can cause earthquakes.”

Tina welcomes the crippled superhero into her home to explain the situation, offer her some cookies, and pour her a glass of box wine because Tina really likes how Crimson Paraplegic looks in spandex. But unfortunately Crimson Paraplegic likes men.


That’s great it starts with an earthquake… birds and snakes and Humor-blogs.com… Lenny Bruce is not afraid…


  1. And everyone laughed at me for insisting on a policy that covered fag-quakes!

  2. Yes thats just what the lesbians want you to think, we all know what being gay means, straight people dont have seismic powers, so it would only stand to reason that gays do…

  3. […] There’s an alternate reality filled with strange and wondrous characters over at Renal Failure. It’s way funnier than the reality you’re probably used […]

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