March 7, 2008

I’m spending Ambivalent Hour down at the local bar with Mikka, who is fresh off his shift from the wonton soup factory.

“So Finnish kids are the smartest kids in the world,” I say to Mikka, referencing an article I had just read in the Wall Street Journal earlier that day while on the loo.  I don’t subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, but Ninja Vicki drops off a copy for me in the morning in exchange for my local paper.

“That doesn’t surprise me,’ says Mikka.  “Because Finland fucking rules.”

“So what’s your excuse?” I ask.   “You’re Finnish?  Why aren’t you smart?”

“Because I’m not in Finland, I’m in America,” says Mikka.  “Knowledge is king in Finland, which is not where I am.  American schools are run like prisons.  So strict and regimented.  Finnish schools are run like… eh, whatever.  And it gets better results.”

“And with that learning environment you’re saying you might have finished high school on time instead of going back for your GED years later?” I say.

“I would have went to college too,” says Mikka.  “Or at least vocational school.  Because they’re free in Finland.”

“You were failed by the American public school system,” I say.  “And if your parents had the money, you would have been failed by the American private or parochial school systems as well.”

“But I did have fun skipping homework and playing Nintendo all damn day,” says Mikka.  “Those seasons of Tecmo Bowl weren’t going to play themselves.”

“Actually they could have if you set the game to CPU vs. CPU,” I say.

“But then I couldn’t have changed history to make the Buffalo Bills win all those Super Bowls they lost,” says Mikka.  “And then continue winning Super Bowls through the 2217 season.”

“Well, you really didn’t change history,” I say.  “You just played out an alternate history on your 8-bit Nintendo.”

“Oh,” says Mikka, disappointed.  “Well, maybe I would have known that if I went to school in Finland.”

Maybe Finland wouldn’t do so well in these education studies if they had a Mississippi of their own dragging them down.


In Fourteen Hundred Ninety-Two Humor-blogs.com sailed the ocean blue…


  1. Didn’t Finland invent Nokia? That makes them about the smartest ppl on earth, huh.

  2. Cop that Mississippi.

  3. I’m Finnished with Finland

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