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Tyrant King Porn Dragon for Matching Service

April 28, 2008

Since coming to town, and dating Mikka, Samurai Cathy is becoming more familiar with the community, for better and for worse.

This is a story about for worse.

Samurai Cathy was walking to Chin-Fin town the other day to stop in on Mikka and suddenly local paranoid couple Sean and Lucia Wheatley came running up to her all in a panic, like usual.

“Ms. Samurai Cathy!” Lucia Wheatley calls out. “We need your help! We need your help!”

“Sure thing,” Samurai Cathy says, always ready to lend her services to the public. “What can I do?”

“We need you to slay a dragon,” says Sean Wheatley.

“Um… samurai don’t slay dragons,” says Samurai Cathy. “In fact, dragons are usually our friends in samurai culture.”

“Oh not this dragon,” says Lucia Wheatley. “This dragon is a friend to no one.”

“Especially the Jews,” says Sean Wheatley.

“The Jews?” Samurai Cathy says, a bit confused but still willing to help because she doesn’t know the Wheatleys like we know the Wheatleys. “What kind of dragon is this?”

“It’s a Tyrant King Porn Dragon that inspires Jews into pornography and prostitution,” says Lucia. “And then the dragon turns the public against the Jews.”

“We read all about this beast on Indiana Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle’s website,” says Sean. “He’s running so that we can fight this Tyrant King Porn Dragon before he rallies the world to start killing Jews again.”

“And this was after speaking at a Nazi party for Adolph Hitler’s birthday,” says Lucia.

“He probably found about the dragon from them,” says Sean.

Now when faced with the absurd, samurai are trained to keep a cool head, as absurdity is one of the weapons that evil magicians use to confuse their prey and make them lower their guard.

“So what makes you think I can fight this Tyrant King Porn Dragon?” Samurai Cathy asks.

“Well, you weren’t really our first choice for this,” says Lucia. “We would have preferred Crimson Paraplegic, but we can’t find her.”

“And so we thought about asking Ninja Vicki, but we’re afraid to go to her house,” says Sean. “She’s killed two paperboys and a census taker.”

“And where can I find this Tyrant King Porn Dragon that I’m supposed to slay?” Samurai Cathy asks.

“We’re not sure,” says Lucia. “But we think he shouldn’t be hard to find. Tyrant King Porn Dragons are probably huge.”

“I’d say check the Adultatorium,” Says Sean. “If I were a Porn Dragon, I’d hang out where the porn is.”

“Or maybe a synagogue,” says Lucia. “If you’re going to turn Jews into porn stars and whores, you need to be where the Jews are.”

“Check the TV stations and newspapers, because I heard Jews run the media so they might be there,” says Sean.

“Well, I have to go meet my boyfriend first, but I will keep my eye for this Porn Dragon,” says Samurai Cathy.

“Be careful when you do,” says Lucia. “He may try to hit you with his Porno Breath, and then you’ll be a whore.”

“Or his Jew-hating laser eyes,” says Sean.

So Samurai Cathy leaves the Wheatleys and makes it to Mikka’s apartment where she explains the surreal experience she just had regarding the prospect of a giant porno spewing dragon and the married couple who hired her to slay it. Mikka told her to just forget that conversation ever happened.

And so Samurai Cathy survives this encounter…

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One comment

  1. Wow… but shes really lucky she didnt encounter the Giant Princess Craft Monkey, that things been leading Mormons astray for years, what with its clever use of needle point and macaroni.



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