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Confearsion

May 5, 2008

With the weather turning nice, Tina the Lesbian decided to take a walk to get a cookies and creme milkshake down at Nate Tanner is a Convicted Sex Offender’s Ice Creme Shoppe. Ol’ Nate makes the best milkshake in town, despite being on the Megan’s Law list.

Anyway, as Tina got back to her house, she noticed that her paranoid neighbors Sean and Lucia Wheatley were standing there staring at her Obama for President sign on her lawn. To Tina’s surprise, they didn’t seem frightened by it. They looked more like they didn’t understand it.

“Um, can I help you?” Tina says, instantly regretting it.

“Oh good, you’re here,” says Lucia Wheatley. “Yes, we need your help with something of national importance.”

“We need you tell us why we should be afraid of Barack Obama,” says Sean Wheatley.

*blink* *blink*

“Um… you shouldn’t,” says Tina the Lesbian.

“No, there’s many reasons that we should,” says Lucia Wheatley. “But all together, they don’t make sense.”

“Like the Screaming Head on the Radio told us we’re supposed to be afraid of Obama because of his angry church pastor,” says Sean Wheatley. “But why would he listen to that Christian pastor if he’s really a Muslim, like the Screaming Head on the Radio told us he was last month?”

“And if he’s really a Muslim, how can he be a Communist too?” says Lucia Wheatley.  “Stalin never wore a burka.”

“And why would a godless communist belong to a Christian Church in the first place?” says Sean Wheatley. “You see, it’s a vicious circle of dislogic.”

“It’s like we’re missing pieces of a giant puzzle, so we can’t see what we’re supposed to be afraid of,” says Lucia Wheatley. “I mean, Hillary Clinton is easy to be afraid of.  She feeds on aborted fetuses.”

“And did you know she’s personally killed more people than the Virginia Tech shooter,” says Sean. “She doesn’t even need a gun. She can just throw bullets into people.”

“That’s a fact,” says Lucia. “I saw it on an Internet message board and I believed it.”

Tina the Lesbian takes in all the stupid she’s just heard, lets it roll around in her head for a little, then decides to turn around and go back to Nate Tanner is a Convicted Sex Offender’s Ice Creme Shoppe for another milkshake. She then proceeds to drink it way too fast, purposely giving herself an ice cream headache. She considers doing that more reasonable than continuing to listen to the Wheatleys speak.

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5 comments

  1. cookies and cream as a milkshake flavour? yummo!


  2. “That’s a fact,” says Lucia. “I saw it on an Internet message board and I believed it.”

    That’s the truth if I ever heard it. Everything you read on the internet is true. Lucia’s one wise gal.


  3. OK, you just gave me a Depends moment. That’s what I get for reading Nurse Myra’s blogroll.


  4. Well the internet is the greatest source of knowledge in the history of man… its got porn to apparently.


  5. Silverstar, Renal Failure should be on everybody’s blogroll :-)



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