I will not be ignored, Simon and Schuster!

May 9, 2008

Still no nibbles on our idea for a book about our new hot Internet craze of Political Pundits Who Look Like Child Molesters. Of course, our strategy of just sitting around doing nothing and waiting for the phone ring probably isn’t the best course of action, but it is the easiest and doesn’t require me to leave the couch.

But maybe there’s something holding those publishing companies back. Maybe they don’t trust my gut when it comes to sniffing out pedophile-looking pundits. Maybe they’re worried that I’m just going say that all political pundits look like child molesters. So I’m going to show them otherwise.

First, let’s look at ABC’s George Stephanopoulos…

Clearly he does not look like a child molester. He looks like a date rapist, straight out of one of those Lifetime for Women movies. Keep an eye on your drinks, ladies.

Next we take a gander at Vanity Fair writer Christopher Hitchens…

He looks like a molester all right, but not of children. We take him to look more like that drunk guy at the bar who shamelessly and clumsily gropes women as they order drinks. Or perhaps he looks more like the guy on the crowded subway train who grinds against women while everyone is in close quarters. We’re flexible here.

Finally, we have New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd…

She looks more like one those high school teachers that ends up sleeping with one of her students. That doesn’t make her a traditional child molester, but it does get her registered as a sex offender.

See… there’s a method to this.




  1. All right, I’d like your take on Rachel Marsden. Shooting fish in a barrel, but have fun.

  2. Well, she looks like a stalker… oh wait, she actually was a stalker.

  3. Rachel Marsden once flirted with me on Valleywag, until she realized I was a chick.

    And Georgie could never be a date rapist. I would so totally NOT turn him down!

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