Forty ounces of denounce

May 13, 2008

I remember when Tina the Lesbian wanted to run for a spot on the local Gay and Lesbian Advocacy Board, and I was her campaign manager. It was shaping up to be a tough race, and her opponent had the edge in the polls.

“I think I know what the problem is,” I say. “It’s because you have a heterosexual sister.”

“I’m losing because of Jennifer the Straight?” says Tina the Lesbian.

“You’re going to have to denounce her and her straight ways if you want to stand a chance in this gay election,” I say.

“She doesn’t even live in this town,” says Tina the Lesbian. “What does she have to do with anything? Why do I have to denounce her?”

“Hmm… you may be right,” I say. “Denouncing isn’t enough. You’ll have to renounce her too, just to create enough distance between you and Jennifer the Straight.”

“I’m not renouncing or denouncing or any ouncing my sister,” says Tina the Lesbian. “She’s irrelevant to this election and the position I’m running for.”

“Irrelevant, eh?” I say. “Ho boy… now you’re going to have kick your sister in the vagina just to stand a chance. And I mean hard too. Like she has to fall down and stay down for a while.”

We learned a valuable lesson that day: if you’re not willing to drop your sister with a vulva-shaking boot to the crotch, you can’t win any election in America.



One comment

  1. […] Renal Failure presents Forty ounces of denounce […]

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