Zero to Awkward in Three Seconds

May 14, 2008

It’s last call, and as the lights come up in the bar, I get the stupid notion to try to be profound.

“You know, I think if they sung the Carmina Burana in English, it wouldn’t be as cool,” I say.

“I think Melanie makes me do her in the ass just so she doesn’t have to look at me while we fuck,” says Anonymous Doug.

*blink* *blink*

“Who is Melanie?” I ask.

“I don’t even think she knows who she truly is,” says Anonymous Doug.

“Well, whoever she is, she’s shallow and likes anal,” I say.

“And she cries when she comes too,” says Anonymous Doug. “They ain’t happy tears either. It’s like a family member died or something. No idea what that’s about.”

*blink* *blink*

Well, this evening has taken a turn for the… well, I’m not sure what to call it but it scares me.



  1. anonymous doug and anonymous melanie. sounds like a perfect union

  2. Nah, Melanie ain’t anonymous, at least that’s what the guys down at the biker bar say.

  3. You dont happen to have her number do you. You know for a friend…

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