Rehab? At your age?

May 28, 2008

So Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is in rehab,” I say.

“Isn’t he like 60?” says Anonymous Doug.

“Yeah, he is,” I say.

“I would think at a certain age you shouldn’t go to rehab,” says Anonymous Doug.

“Yeah, like what’s the point when you’re 60?” I say. “You’re old. That’s the time to start doing a lot of drugs.”

“It would at least give you the chance to die with some dignity,” says Anonymous Doug. “I know I’d rather be found dead of an overdose in some hotel room at 60 than wasting away in a hospital bed at 80.”

“Is there some sort of Aerosmith Pension Program that doesn’t kick in until he reaches 65?” I say.

“He could just be trying to set a good example for his grandkids or something,” says Anonymous Doug.

“Nah, that’s bullshit,” I say. “Most of the bad habits I learned as a child came from my grandparents. I learned how to swear from them. I learned how to conceal my drinking because Grandma had bottles of liquor hidden all around the house. And I learned every racial slur in the book from my grandparents too. There wasn’t a person of a different race or nationality that they didn’t have a disparaging name for.”

“And I would venture to guess that if they were doing drugs they wouldn’t have been cursing or drinking or muttering racial slurs as minorities walked by their porch,” says Anonymous Doug.

“I think you’d make an awesome grandparent,” I say to Anonymous Doug.

“Hell, for all I know I could be one already,” says Anonymous Doug.

Well, he’s got the doing drugs thing down. Now all he has to do is reach the age of 60 and it’s all good.



  1. I dont know if I want to see old people on coke.

  2. no alex, you really really really don’t want to see that

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