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Treachery at the Japanese Steakhouse Part 2

June 24, 2008

Mikka has seen a lot of crazy shit in his time on earth, like the time he saw his friend with his dick stuck in a bathtub faucet. But nothing could have prepared him for the shock of seeing Ninja Vicki on a date with Tag Larkin.

“How did you hook up with Tag Larkin?” Mikka asked, astonished.

“Craigslist,” says Ninja Vicki. “I never knew this, but apparently Tag Larkin has his own section there.”

“Tag Larkin isn’t just a man seeking a woman,” says Tag Larkin. “Tag Larkin is a Tag Larkin seeking a woman who is seeking a Tag Larkin. And so Tag Larkin needs a Tag Larkin personals section for just that need.”

“He just said his own name six times,” Samurai Cathy whispers to Mikka. “What’s up with this guy?”

Mikka shrugs. “He’s Tag Larkin. It’s what he does.”

The kimono-wearing waitress hands out the menus, and every so often Ninja Vicki and Samurai Cathy look at each other from behind their menus to give each other dirty looks. And every so often Tag Larkin looks over his menu at Samurai Cathy and thinks about what it will take to get her into a threesome with his ninja date. Tag Larkin thinks it might involve a stirring rendition of Air Supply’s “Making Love Out of Nothing At All” and savagely beating Mikka until he stops moving.

“So, Tag Larkin, what are you thinking of getting?” Ninja Vicki asks, uncharacteristically friendly-like.

“Tag Larkin likes the Sukiyaki shrimp,” says Tag Larkin.

“Hmm… I was thinking about getting the Naughty School Girl special,” says Ninja Vicki. The Naughty School Girl special at Upskirt Yoshi’s is a combo of Lobster Tail, Filet Mignon, and salmon, and costs 30 bucks.

“All right, but you do know that Tag Larkin always goes dutch, right?” says Tag Larkin.

“Even on a first date?” says Ninja Vicki.

“Tag Larkin is not made out of money!” Tag Larkin declares to the entire restaurant. “Money is made out of Tag Larkin.”

Samurai Cathy seems to want to comment on Tag Larkin’s bold statement, but is unsure of to even say. In fact, Tag Larkin has so befuddled her that she’s not even sure that striking him with her sword would even faze him.

“Isn’t he dreamy?” says Ninja Vicki, taking Tag Larkin’s hand, which Tag Larkin immediately thinks is his cue to put his hand on Ninja Vicki’s crotch. And as Ninja Vicki puts Tag Larkin in a brutal wristlock, Mikka hides behind his menu and prays for a fire so that this date will end with some modicum of dignity.

To be continued…

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3 comments

  1. You know how there are Chick Norris facts… are there any ones about Tag Larkin.


  2. The essence of Tag Larkin cannot be contained in such primitive things like lists. Tag Larkin cannot be told about, Tag Larkin must be experienced.


  3. So true! An enigma wrapped in a riddle holdng a tallboy.



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