Words will never mean the same againJuly 10, 2008
“You know what the lasting legacy of the Bush presidency will be?” Ninja Vicki says as she sits in my living room with a fresh cup of green tea in hand. She helped herself to my stash because you can’t give things to a ninja, they have to take them.
“Naked man pyramids?” I say.
“Close, but no,” says Ninja Vicki. “His lasting legacy is going to be is how he irrevocably fucked up our vocabulary.”
“How so?” I say.
“Take for example the phrase Mission Accomplished,” says Ninja Vicki. “Ever since that aircraft carrier stunt Bush pulled during the Iraq War, no one can use that phrase the way it was meant to be used. Now when you say Mission Accomplished, it just means that you didn’t really accomplish the mission.”
Ninja Vicki’s right. I really don’t hear the phrase Mission Accomplished used anymore without a sarcastic undertone to it.
“And the same thing with ‘You’re doing a heck of a job,'” Ninja Vicki continues. “Now when you tell someone that, it’s a nice way to tell someone they’re fucking incompetent.”
“So phrases no longer mean what they’re supposed to mean because of the Bush presidency,” I say.
“No one can use ‘bring ’em on’ without sounding ridiculous anymore,” says Ninja Vicki.
“And that fucking sucks because Han Solo says that line in original Star Wars and I completely believed it when he said it,” I say.
“And try to say the word freedom with a straight face,” says Ninja Vicki. “You can’t because it’s been used so much for vapid bullshit.”
“I now use the word freedom to let people know what I’m saying shouldn’t be taken seriously,” I say. ”
“Other presidents have destroyed phrases, but they weren’t common phrases that us regular citizens would ever use,” says Ninja Vicki. “No new taxes. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. I am not a crook. Regular people don’t need those phrases. But we use stuff like Mission Accomplished and Heck of a Job. And who knows what other phrases can no longer be used without their meanings being the exact opposite of what they say?”
“Why this sudden interest in the meaning of words and such?” I ask. “Ninjas aren’t known for their wordsmithery. What’s your interest in the declining meaning of words?”
“Because I think that’s why Tag Larkin is still outside my house professing his love for me,” says Ninja Vicki.
Apparently Tag Larkin has been out there since that disastrous double date between himself and Ninja Vicki along with Mikka and Samurai Cathy two weeks ago, waiting to catch a glimpse of the masked sword-swinging angel that stole his heart. Ninja Vicki has tried shooting arrows at Tag Larkin with a message tied to them saying to go away, but Tag Larkin won’t leave. In fact, he just doubles his efforts, because Tag Larkin is persistent when it comes to love. And oral.