I think I can, I think I can, I think I could use more money

July 14, 2008

So we hear that John McCain’s top economic adviser Phil Gramm say that the economy is actually fine and that the bad feeling Americans have is what he called a “mental recession” and that we’re a nation of whiners.

“Of course he’s going to say everything’s fine,” says Bernie the Half-Cyborg cat. “He’s Vice Chairman of a Swiss fucking bank. Everything’s coming up Milhouse Nixon for him. Meanwhile my office is cutting staff.”

“Mental recession?” I say. “Does that mean that Mikka is only imaging that his workplace is laying people off?”

“Yesterday I thought I had forty bucks with me yesterday, turns out I only had twenty,” says Bernie. “So I guess I had a mental economic expansion.”

“If this is a mental recession, can I get out of it by imaging that I have more money?” I ask.

“No, because then you’ll have mental inflation, and then your thoughts will be worth less,” says Bernie. “You know how in Zimbabwe they have like a million percent inflation there? And notice how no one cares what Zimbabwe thinks about anything?”

“But have we really become a nation of whiners?” I say.

“We’ve always been a nation of whiners,” says Bernie the Half Cyborg. “Waaah, the British are taxing our tea too much. Waaah, if you don’t let me keep my slaves I’m leaving the union. Waaah, someone flew planes into our buildings.”

“So instead of whining about real things, we should keep a stiff upper lift about imaginary things?” I say.

“Works for me,” says Bernie.

And so while we continue complaining about paying $4.11 a gallon for gas, we show our gritty iron-jawed resolve against the Giant Nuclear Robot Buzzsaw Moths who threaten our nation’s sweaters that we just thought up after about five or seven shots of… I think it was rum. Might have been wiper fluid.



  1. a stiff upper lift? am I missing something there?

  2. Just a funny spelling error I missed… and will now keep in because it’s funny.

  3. Aint it nice when some rich ass decides what the rest of us are thinking?
    Apparently my neighbors house is in “mental foreclosure”, and if he just changes his mind, all will be well again.


  4. >>>>Everything’s coming up Milhouse Nixon for him.

    I totally love that statement.

  5. I’ve tried mental inflation on other things, but viagra ussually works better for that…

  6. After the election, McCain will have enjoyed a mental victory.

    And he knows who to thank.

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