Does it come with a tie-dyed shirt and a jar of patchouli?

July 25, 2008

We’ve been playing Rock Band over at Mikka’s place for quite some time now. Mikka, myself, Tina the Lesbian, and Samurai Cathy get together on occasion to rock out with our plastic instruments (Tina’s really good on the mic, but Samurai Cathy’s barred from using the drum kit because she’s broken it a few times).

“When is the sequel coming out?” I ask Mikka one day. “It’s getting a bit old hearing Tina sing Celebrity Skin by Hole.”

“Well, Rock Band 2 comes out in September,” Mikka says. “But if we can’t wait that long, there’s another game that might be of interest.

And so Mikka tells me about Jam Band. It’s like Rock Band, except that all the songs are from bands like The Grateful Dead and Phish and String Cheese Incident.

“And each of the songs last for like 25 minutes too so we’ll be getting our money’s worth with each song,” says Mikka.

“Yeah, but those Jam Band songs are only enjoyable to people who are stoned out of their gords,” I say. “The only way to enjoy a 10 minute jam band solo is if you’re really high, and you don’t even own a bong.”

“I think Tina the Lesbian does,” says Mikka. “But Samurai Cathy doesn’t much care for weed. She’s got nothing against booze because you can still fight when you’re tipsy, but you can’t fight when you’re high.”

So Mikka goes into his little gamers magazine and points another game to fill our time before Rock Band 2 comes out.

“Hey, this is interesting,” says Mikka. “Marching Band. All of the isolation and social ridicule of high school, now in the comfort of your own home. Complete with trumpet, snare drum, trombone, and tuba”

“Yeah, but who’s going to want to play fake tuba?” I say. “That’s worse than being on bass guitar.”

“But you get to play all these college football team fight songs,” says Mikka. “That’s the closest to the college experience as I’ll ever get.”

“Hey, what’s that game?” I say, pointing at a picture in Mikka’s magazine. “John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra Band?”

“Says here you get to play the music from all your favorite movies,” says Mikka. “Star Wars. Indiana Jones. Jaws. Jurassic Park. Sweet!”

“Projected price: 4,000 dollars???” I say, reading the rest of the article about the game. “Why does it cost that much?”

“Looks like it comes complete with a 20-piece orchestra set,” says Mikka. “Plastic violins, cellos, tympani drums, oboes, clarinets, flutes, those little triangle things…”

“But we don’t even have 20 friends interested enough to play all those instruments,” I say. “I don’t even think we have 20 friends total.”

Way to remind us how unpopular we are, fucking John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra. If they ever come out with a Danny Elfman Band game, we’ll buy it just to spite you.



  1. Of course then you have to live with the fact you bought a game from the second best movie score composer. And no body wants that.

    Any news on Boy band, the game were you sing out of key and dont play any instruments but get really highscores anyway.

  2. Yeah, but to do the Oingo Boingo songs, you’ll need at least 12 friends. Four alone to play the marimba.

  3. hey we’ve got all those plastic orchestra instruments at the gimcrack. mondays are music therapy days….

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