Villainy born of frustration and social awkwardness

August 4, 2008

Crimson Paraplegic has just foiled yet another bank robbery by prospective archenemy Dr. Platonic and his army of deathbots modeled after Alyson Hannigan. And she’s not very happy about it.

“Dude, this is the fifth straight time I’ve stopped you from robbing this bank,” says Crimson Paraplegic as she holds the good doctor in the air by his lab coat as she floats over the wreckage of the Alyson Hannigan deathbots. “And you’ve done the same thing each time, just with more robots.”

“Yeah, I know,” says Dr. Platonic with a meek shrug.

“You obviously have a degree in something,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “You’re smarter than this. Why keep doing it? You know I’m going to show up in time to stop you.”

“That’s what I was hoping for,” says Dr. Platonic.

“Huh?” Crimson Paraplegic thinks this may be one of those evil villain mind tricks.

“Do you know why I’m called Dr. Platonic?” says the evil doctor.

“Because you’re really into the philosophy of Plato?” says Crimson Paraplegic.

“No, it’s because women don’t want to date me,” says Dr. Platonic. “They all just ‘want to be friends.’ My whole life that’s all I’ve been hearing! And that kind of drove me into the mad scientist industry, which has made me an even lonelier person.”

“That does explain why all your robots look like Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” says Crimson Paraplegic.

“But the day you foiled my plot to rob this bank… I was smitten with you,” says Dr. Platonic.

“Oh…” says Crimson Paraplegic, uncomfortably. “Ho boy…”

“But as someone who is socially awkward and a supervillain I couldn’t just ask you out for coffee, or run into you down at the laundromat,” Dr. Platonic continued. “So I figured since you stopped me at this bank before, you’d definitely fly in and do it again.”

“And you thought that maybe over time I’d come to see you in a new light?” Crimson Paraplegic said. “That if I foiled your plans enough I’d be interested in you?”

“It sounds rather foolish when you say it out loud,” says Dr. Platonic. “But all that aside, would you like to catch a movie sometime?”

“No, no I would not,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “And not because I just want to be friends either.”

“Oh, well that doesn’t hurt so much…” says Dr. Platonic with a heavy sigh.

Crimson Paraplegic sees the disappointment on Dr. Platonic’s face. She starts thinking about how many more times in the future she’ll have to thwart Dr. Platonic’s criminally misguided plots to charm her. Her answer: too damn many. So she decides she needs to stop all this right now, without killing him.

“I think I know someone you might like,” says Crimson Paraplegic.

And so she flies herself and Dr. Platonic to the next town over, down by the warehouse district, where a lone hooker stands on the corner holding a lacrosse stick and wearing thigh-high boots, a corset, and gym shorts.

“Dr. Platonic, meet The Lacrosstitute,” says Crimson Paraplegic. “She’s a hooker and a super villainess, but she’s also got a great personality and I think you two would hit it off.”

“Thirty bucks for a blowjob,” says The Lacrosstitute. “Unless you’re a midfielder, then it’s only twenty.”

“In due time,” says Dr. Platonic. “You want to get a cup of coffee?”

And as The Lacrossitute and Dr. Platonic joined hands and walked away, Crimson Paraplegic felt proud that she had just potentially brought a peaceful end to the careers of two minor supervillains who would now no longer bother her. The Lacrosstitute would find someone who would truly love her for her, and Dr. Platonic would finally know the loving caress of a wet vagina around his cock.



  1. It was so sweet until that last line…

    Say their arent any Alyson Hannigan bots left are there… for my firend I mean

  2. Lacrosstitute has been raiding my wardrobe!

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